I showed him my bush... on skype.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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