fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
