brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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