I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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