Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
