I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
