Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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