you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
