you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
