I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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