Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Bring me that man meat
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
