I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
