oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
