btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
