If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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