I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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