Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
