Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
