where am i from again
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
