2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
