In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
