I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
