She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
