Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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