hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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