do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
