Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
