i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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