I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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