she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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