Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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