your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
