People in love make me want to vomit
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
