I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
