drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
