I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
