Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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