I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
the raccoons are back...
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