# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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