I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My life is pants optional.
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