I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
