I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
