Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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