the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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