Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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