I could make wine with my vomit
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
