The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
