you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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