you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
