Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
