why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
