But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
