3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
