just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I'm eating all of the evidence.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
