I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
my shit smells like andre
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
