my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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