i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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