In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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