Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
