my sisters under your porch take her home
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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