I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I need to align my fucking chakras
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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