WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
