I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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