we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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