Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
