Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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