Little spoons don't ask big questions
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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