My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
