Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
